Are Your Memories Telling the Truth? Why Our Minds Rewrite the Past

We like to think our memories are accurate records of what really happened. After all, we remember what we saw, how we felt, and what was said, or at least we believe we do. But here is the surprising reality: human memory is not a video camera. It is more like a storyteller that sometimes takes creative liberties.

Research has shown that our memories are reconstructed, not replayed. We piece together bits of information, emotions, and beliefs to create a version of the past that makes sense to us in the present. Sometimes this version is close to the truth. Other times, it is not even in the same postcode.

The Problem with “Perfect” Memories

Think about a big moment in your life, maybe a wedding, the birth of a child, or a traumatic event. You probably feel sure you remember every detail vividly. Psychologists call these flashbulb memories. They feel clear and permanent, but studies have found they still change over time. Even people who were sure they remembered the September 11 attacks accurately, were found to have altered details when asked months later.

It is not just big events that get edited. Everyday memories shift too. If you have ever argued with someone about what was said in a conversation (“You definitely promised to do that!”), you have seen how two people can genuinely believe conflicting versions of the same event.

Why Do Our Memories Change?

Our minds are not trying to trick us. They are trying to help us keep a coherent story about who we are. The catch is that this story is not always true.

Memory researchers like Elizabeth Loftus have shown that suggestion can plant false memories. In one study, simply changing the wording of a question (“How fast were the cars going when they smashed into each other?” versus “…hit each other?”) changed what people remembered about a car accident. Some even recalled seeing broken glass that was not there.

Over time, we also interpret memories to fit what we already believe. For example, if you see yourself as a failure, you are more likely to remember times you messed up and forget your successes. This is called confirmation bias, and it is a powerful force.

Beliefs and Biases Shape What We Remember

The beliefs we hold about ourselves often come from early life experiences. Psychologists call these beliefs schemas. They are mental templates that shape how we see the world. If you grew up feeling unimportant, you might carry a deep-down belief that you do not matter.

Schemas act like filters. We tend to notice, remember, and even interpret events in ways that confirm what we already believe. If you think people cannot be trusted, you will spot every little clue that seems to prove it. If you think you are incompetent, you will replay every small mistake in your mind. Over time, this selective memory strengthens the belief, and the cycle continues.

Even our mood affects memory. When you are sad, it is much easier to remember other sad times. Depressed people, for instance, recall more negative experiences and sometimes even “remember” events that never happened, simply because those memories fit how they feel.

What This Means in Therapy

If you work in mental health, or if you have ever been in therapy, this understanding of memory has huge implications. Many people come to counselling convinced their memories are facts. But therapists know memories are reconstructions, shaped by feelings, beliefs, and even the questions people ask.

This does not mean memories are meaningless. Far from it. They carry emotional truths and stories that matter. But it does mean we have to approach them carefully.

In Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), for example, clients learn to examine their beliefs and look for evidence that challenges them. If you believe you are worthless, your mind will naturally dredge up memories to “prove” it. Therapy helps you spot the bias and consider a more balanced view.

When people re-evaluate old experiences, perhaps seeing that a childhood event was not their fault, their memories often change too. This can be deeply healing. It shows that because memory is flexible, it can also be reshaped in healthier ways.

At the same time, therapists need to be cautious. In the past, some professionals used aggressive techniques like hypnosis to “recover” memories of trauma. Sadly, these methods sometimes led to false memories of events that never happened, causing actual harm to families. Today, we know that suggestion can create false memories. That is why any work with memory in therapy must be done with sensitivity and awareness of this risk.

Everyday Lessons

You do not need to be a therapist to find this knowledge valuable. Understanding that memories can be flawed makes us humbler. It reminds us that the stories we tell ourselves about the past are not always the whole picture.

If you have ever argued about who said what or felt stuck in a belief about yourself, consider that your mind might be highlighting certain moments and downplaying others. Recognising this does not mean ignoring memories, it means staying curious and open to other perspectives.

It also gives hope. Because if memories are partly stories, we can work on telling them differently. We can look for overlooked evidence that we have value, that we have been loved, that we have strengths. Therapy can help, but so can honest reflection and conversations with people who care about us.

In the end, the way we remember our lives shapes who we are. And while our memories will never be perfect, understanding their quirks gives us the power to be more compassionate with ourselves, and a little more forgiving of each other.